A different approach to balancing work and family life? If not, what can you do to improve the situation? How do you determine if a new career path or job is reason enough to move? Will we decide things together or will you try to decide them for me? Are we going to have kids? Are children, parents, siblings, extended family, or family of choice important to you? Do you want to establish from the beginning that affairs are not an option? Are you exercising, eating right, and getting sufficient sleep? In-laws can either give incredible support that's invaluable to a relationship, or break it apart. Who will be paying the bills? Maybe he wants to fix up a car. How do you use these traditions to strengthen the tie that binds you to each other? Almost all couples fight over money matters. Where are your flaws and weaknesses? Are you interested in a crash course of your premarital counseling? Trouble discussing any of these issues might suggest to you that sitting down with a premarital counselor could be helpful. They schedule regular date nights and outings and develop meaningful traditions and family rituals. Do you have a plan or strategy to help you cope with such eventualities? But if you talk about it ahead of time and lay out your expectations, and even set rules when you need to like no cell phones on date night, or never sleeping in separate rooms , then you're better equipped to handle tough situations when they pop up. What Issues Are Most Important? For most couples, the engagement ring is the binding object.
Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time? Take some time to think about it. Life of both will change drastically. How will you divvy up these responsibilities or hire someone? You want the best for your spouse. What does my family do that annoys you? P ositive Communication Communication is the heart and soul of any vibrant relationship. It creates trust and it pre-empts problems, and just as importantly it stops those little irritants from lingering until they suddenly become horrible, bitter arguments.
While everyone tends to fall into a category known as the — physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts — it's not very common for two people in a relationship to have the same one as their top language. Of course, it's totally fine if neither of you want to draw up a plan of where you'll be, as long as you're both okay with that — after all, life demands flexibility. When you arrive at marriage counseling, you need to be ready to open up. So if you're looking to , it's worthwhile to sit down and discuss all this stuff, especially if you're planning to get engaged or married soon. Do you agree to talk about your sexual concerns at a time when you both are feeling creative and relaxed and not during sex? Children: Above and beyond dreaming about baby names, there is so much more to the topic of family planning before marriage.
Examine your styles of handling conflicts and see if there is room for improvement. How much do we talk about our relationship to others? You are not transparent about your loans and debts before marriage. Find out if your spouse feels loved and accepted by you. Do you believe in divorce? How do you work through the challenges this can bring? What kind of family will your marriage create, and how will it impact your existing families? I am looking forward for your future presentations. If each of you vaguely imagines having two children, that might sound like you're perfectly compatible on that score.
What do you consider cheating? Give your spouse a chance to tell you what you need to do to regain trust. How will you deal with household or yard maintenance? Do you like to go out and party or stay home? Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? And finally, can we communicate things to each other as we go? What is my partner's relationship to , alcohol, and gambling? Visit and follow her on to get your dating questions answered and to learn more. How do you see your career—and your salary—evolving over your lifetime? Then, it is better to part ways than to have a bitter ending just after a few years of marriage. Do you anticipate raising our children 1 the same way you were raised 2 completely differently from the way you were raised 3 a mixture of both? What kind of support do you expect from your partner when the parents are putting pressure on you? Annoyances If I had bad breath or body odor or wear dirty clothes, will you tell me? How will you share what means something to you with them? How do you feel about monogamy? Marriages go through ups and downs. What Are Our Main Issues? Do you want children in the near future? And how should you talk about each other's bodies, and how much sway should a spouse's opinion matter in your hairstyle and clothes? By What Rules Or Guidelines Do You Live Your Life? Will you need to be close to your parents either as you get together now or as they get older? If one of you is religious and the other isn't, you have to learn to truly respect their beliefs and not just secretly think that your partner is way off base. The book is based on the premise that each of us : Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.
Is one of you prone to yelling and getting it all out in the moment, while the other person wants space to cool down before talking things through? Miscellaneous How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, school, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, and chuch? How stuck are we in each of our jobs, and what would happen if we got fired or wanted to leave? Have you ever had any psychological problems? What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship? The flip side of that is that I crave the same thing, and if your partner is unable to show love in the way that you need it, that can be a problem. Again, we lucked out with family, but how will issues with relatives, especially elderly, disabled, troubled, etc. We took temperament tests which showed areas where we are most compatible and others where we needed to work on. How would our relationship be affected if for medical reasons we could not have children? Be very certain, you both like fucking to the same degree. Have you gotten in the habit of a certain type of arguing? But all too often, the signs of potential problems with or addiction were there along, but were willfully not talked about or even acknowledged — perhaps out of or denial. What if you saw an injured baby deer by the side of the road? Partners can also come from different socioeconomic backgrounds, or have different values about how money should be saved, spent, or shared.
Where do you see yourselves in five years? How might we avoid that? Talk now to skirt arguments later, Bronstein says. But it's okay to disagree on: Your hobbies and pastimes. How has the example of the older generation shaped your own attitudes towards this sometimes sensitive aspect of the marital relationship? Money and Your Careers One of the biggest things married couples fight about, and one of the most common sources of stress and tension, is. If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, choose amounts to set aside for the future and for personal spending that you'll both be satisfied with. Anything you can do to let him know what it would mean to you to have him come in will help Tell him how much you want to start off with all the tools and skills you will need. Is there any debt that either partner has incurred before the marriage ex.
I found this list a few weeks ago and thought it would be nice to talk through some of these topics with my soon to be hubby, Sev. What size house is important and in what kind of neighborhood do you hope to live in both now and in the future? Where you want to live is huge… what happens if a spouse gets the chance at a dream job somewhere? How do you deal with that stress? How much will be spoken about past sexual partners and histories? Virtually everyone would acknowledge that opinions about whether or not to have kids should be openly discussed and clarified before getting married. Take the time to talk frankly and honestly about your struggles, and make the time to work toward hope and healing. Often the rosy period of early romance has everyone restraining themselves to be on their best behavior. Conclusion Do you feel that it is all right to marry despite these needling problems between you? What if your father left your mother when she had cancer and your mother was alone? If you cannot grow together aka change , you are doomed. What if you hate your new job and want to quit without another one? Then write down your answers and go over them together.
Will we have a budget? Put all the debt on the table—all cards face up. What steps are you taking to help yourself grow as a Christian? Combining some finances, but keeping other accounts separate? If you verbally abuse each other before marriage, you can never hope for a happy relationship. They understand that marriage is a lifelong adventure, filled with triumphs and defeats. Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each? Especially if emotions begin to run high, you can forget what you wanted to talk about. You've heard this one before, but it's worth repeating: You need to know, without any certainty, whether or not your partner wants to have kids.
Even the deepest love can't prevent certain conflicts over decades of living together: It's how you anticipate those conflicts and how you're willing to work on them that will determine whether your can go the distance. Will you have separate or joint checking accounts or both? Will you consider it a betrayal if your wife spills everything about your sexual intimacy problems to her best friend? Likewise, if your spouse's mother needs to either go to a nursing home or move into your home, are you willing to give up time and resources to allow that? What makes you not want to talk to me? And decades of marriage and life, in general, can bring plenty of pressure. Have you ever experienced what it is like to grow closer to one another as the result of weathering a storm together? Cherish Successful marriages are made up of two people who intentionally treasure and honor one another. This was a big thing with me and my ex. It can be a fraught topic, but the more you can bring it out in the open if you find it affecting your relationship, the better off you will be. A common mistake guys make: siding with his mother over his partner, or allowing himself to be put in the middle, says Fields. What do you think about abortion? What Kind of Love Do You Feel? Does your spouse approve or disapprove? Do you want to own a house? The Future How are we different? Aside from issues that are directly money-related, questionable relationships need to be examined.